Results Are Good!

The final results from my bone marrow won't be in until next week, but the preliminary results look good! The cancer is nowhere to be seen and the graft looks like it's holding. My blood counts are up today as well with a platelet count of 108 [where 150-400 is normal], the first time it has been over 100 in 3 years! Hopefully, all this extra blood will help my body's healing powers as my new bone marrow cycles up production of healthy cells, and as I heal my bone marrow will be able to produce more healthy cells, and so forth. I'm not going to be jumping on the elliptical machine anytime soon, but I am already walking better and that's a good start.

The doctor took me off of my restricted no fresh fruit or vegetables diet, because my white blood cell count is stable at 3.0, so I'm gonna have an apple this afternoon to celebrate. My favorite apples are called Jazz Apples and they have the perfect blend of tangy and sweet. I can't handle Granny Smith's or Red Delicious, they're just too sweet.

This weekend we took a drive around town to get some fresh air and ended up on Rice University campus. It sure is beautiful out there. The flowers are blooming and everything is kept so green and shady; it must be a dream to study there. This is what one of the trails around campus looks like here during Spring in Houston:

Ain't that nice? I wish I could jog, excepting all that pollen and allergy nastiness that's out there right now; jogging a trail like this would be really, really fun. (Can you see how I'm trying to talk myself into this someday?)

The doctor also gave me the green light to drive myself! I'm very happy about this because I love my car and I can't wait to take it for a spin, even if it's just to the grocery store! Isn't she gorgeous? This picture was taken at Rice as well when the clouds were just so.

Lastly, my medications and fluids by IV will be decreased over the next couple weeks as I increase the amount of meds I take in pill form by mouth. In a week or two I may even be able to stay home most of the week except for lab checkups and doctor's visits. This means that I might actually be able to accomplish something in the way of my studies instead of spending half of my day at the hospital trying to avoid catching some random infection from coughing people in the hallways, which is like dodging teenagers at the mall. The less time I have to spend at that place the better! More time at home means more time with my books, and that's time I need because I have a ton of great books on my list and I'm just now able to truly get back to my studies. Reading no longer makes me nauseous, and although concentrating is still a bit difficult, I should be back on track before you know it. Until then, I'm going to continue thanking Our Lord and petitioning Mary and all the Saints on all of our behalves. For each and every day we have is a gift and precious.

More Prayers, Please!

I am unashamed to beg for your prayers. Today is Day 30 and I'm doing well, thank the heavens! I still have a hard time with food and getting around without losing my breath, but I'm feeling much better overall, and my labs are looking up. Tuesday, March 29, is the day of my next Bone Marrow Biopsy where they will determine just how successful things really are from the inside out. I won't know the results until Thursday afternoon, but I will be chain smoking Rosaries until I do. Thank you, everyone, for your support and love. It is felt by both me and my parents and we are all very grateful.

Every once in a while my folks take me out for a drive, like to the supermarket or just around town, and if I'm lucky I get to stick my head out the window. The doctor hasn't given me the green light to do any driving myself, and I'm beginning to go a bit stir-crazy. I can't go out into the sunlight because of the meds I'm taking. I have to be very careful about what I eat. I love driving, and going out, and eating. I must avoid children and dogs at all costs, and restaurants and other public places are right-out!

So Far So Good!

Day +26 is almost over and although I still have a lot of GI problems, for the most part, I feel better. I wake up very, very tired, but that should subside the more blood I make, and also the more real food I'm able to eat. I'm still spending at least 5 hours a day at the hospital, and I'm still taking very upsetting pills three times a day (plus all the others which aren't quite as harsh but still weigh me down). At the beginning of next week I will have another bone marrow biopsy where they will not only check my marrow for bad stuff, but they can actually determine how well my grafting went just by looking at the slides. Twenty-first century medicine is truly amazing. Let's just hope and pray that the graft itself is just as amazing as those fancy techniques.

I suppose that one of the most frustrating things of this process has been that I just can't seem to sit down and focus on my studies. I'm always too tired to read for any extended period of time, but when I lay down I just can't seem to sleep for more than two or three hours at a time. This keeps me perpetually tired yet seemingly always awake. The nurses say this too will pass, and I know that all of this is temporary. I wonder how long it will be before I can go back to getting my leisure-size (my version of exercise) on the pool table. I am eager to see how rusty my skills have gotten and how much work its going to take to oil up the ol' arm before I am running tables again. Of course, the doctor has to tell me that I'm okay to breathe public air again, or I have to wait until I'm healthy enough to go home and practice on my own table.

Even though I have no energy, and no ability to focus on my language studies, I have decided to add Egyptian to the list of things I would like to learn in the next few years. I don't believe it will be all that difficult, just lists and lists of things to memorize, but that has always been one of my strong suits. I can't write computer programs, but I can analyze and memorize like nobody else. And who knows? Maybe in the next year or two I'll pick up computer programming as well. I hear C# (C 'sharp,' the new C++) is the next new thing in the programming world and as soon as I get a few of my basics checked off I'll add this to my list of goals.

Oh yeah, and I want a puppy and a kitty, when the time is right, of course....

Half-Daze in Houston

Today, Day +20, was my first full day back at the apartment and I spent half of it at the hospital. It was fortuitous that I was discharged on the Ides of March, a very important day in Roman History, and one of my favorite days to do special things. Although I am still very weak, it was nice to walk into my own room and crash on my own bed.

The drugs I'm on which keep the graft grafting eliminate electrolytes quite quickly. Managing my gut is the biggest task right now because like somebody who takes pills to wake up and pills to go to sleep, I take pills to calm my stomach and pills that upset it several times a day. The results are good though, and my blood counts are rising all on their very own without any growth factor shots or transfusions. The doctors say that this will fluctuate and that eventually I may need some blood products, but right now things are trending upwards. My bacteria fighting capabilities are back to normal but my viral defenses are still down and may be for half, or perhaps, even a full year. So, I visit the clinic everyday, for now, until they tell me to come three times a week, then once a week, etc., as they slowly let my leash out. This process usually takes 100 days, for some sooner, others longer. I will be able to resume some normal activities in the meantime; however, I must avoid crowds and children for up to almost a year, as stated in a previous post. I look forward to tapering down the drugs and getting healthier.

During this recovery process I know of no one better to whom to turn than Mother Mary, who has been there with me through this whole ordeal. I don't know what I would do without all the Angels and Saints bearing my petitions to the Lord, and I include all you saints here on earth who have been praying on my behalf  as well. My rosary gives me strength and peace in whatever happens, regardless of what time I have left, and those of you who pray it know of its holy power. Accept life for the wonderful gift that it is, never to be taken for granted, and never to be coveted as something that is ours. The sin of pride makes us believe that our lives are our own, but ultimately we all face the same end whether it's a long fight with cancer or getting hit by a bus in the street. We are all children of God, and God is love.

For the next few days I will leave my blog alone with only this, one of my favorite Beatles songs of all time, for you to enjoy.

Discharge Tomorrow, Homecoming??

I'm doing well enough to be put on oral medication tonight and then be discharged tomorrow afternoon. For a while I will be needing daily checkups, which includes labs, IV fluids, blood products, and medicines. I should be able to stop taking one of the meds which makes me nauseous at the end of the month, the coral snake eggs. Although this makes my recovery sound like it's going to take weeks the doctor assures me that certain cell lines won't recover for 6-12 months. A big window, I know, but that's what she said. The ones that fight viruses are the ones which will recover lastly, so that means that I have to stay under house arrest until they come up. No restaurants, no church, no mall, no children allowed in my presence or anyone who is around children, no smokers around me, no one who has been sick or has been around anybody who has been sick... this includes all my friends and family, even my dad when he goes back to work. Basically I am home-bound until my lymphocytes recover. Hopefully by late June, early July we will see some all-around immunity begin to recover. You can't jump into faster-than-light speed unless your shield covers your ship's entire hull; you'll rip the ship apart. I think I'll be spending a little while longer in Houston than we were led to believe would be necessary, but that's a small price to pay for long term health.

Houston, We Have Engraftment!

The doctor came in excited today with a big smile and congratulated me on having grafted successfully! My white count is 1.8 but my neutrophil count is 1.58 which means I have crossed the line in the sand!! My mother's stem cells seem to be sympatico with my system and for her generosity I am eternally grateful.

I am still dealing with nausea and other pains but this is really great news. They are going to switch most of my meds from IV to PO (by mouth) so that I can take them home. Perhaps I can stop the antibiotics and neupogen which will make me feel better as well. I will probably be here another two days, maybe three for observation. And, as I said earlier, I'm not out of the woods for one hundred, maybe two hundred days so far as graft-versus-host disease goes and other complications. We're taking this one day at a time, but today is a good day!

Today, I offer up the second half of Psalm 118, for the Lord has chastened me, but has not given me over to death.

15 Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
“The LORD’s right hand has done mighty things!
16 The LORD’s right hand is lifted high;
the LORD’s right hand has done mighty things!”
17 I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates of the righteous;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 The LORD has done it this very day;
let us rejoice today and be glad.
25 LORD, save us!
LORD, grant us success!
26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you.
27 The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine on us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up to the horns of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will praise you;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.

(NIV 2011)

Also, I can finally play some Flyleaf songs that I have been saving for a happy occasion like this. Most people would think I would play a Dave Matthews or Incubus song today, but nope... maybe tomorrow!

Here is the video for "Fully Alive" which best encapsulates my feelings for today.



This is the video for "All Around Me" which is how I feel about my prayer life and gratitude to our Lord.



Okay, I want to invite everybody to celebrate with me when the opportunity arises. Here's an Incubus song to say, it's better with everybody around you being part of the celebration!

Second Chances Are All the Rage These Days...

The doctor says I'll be in here another few days to make sure the trend stays on track, because my white count is 1.1 today! They want the total count to be above 2.0 and the neutrophil count to be around 1.5. I still feel queasy two or three times a day and am on so many medications you'd think I'm a card carrying AARP member already... that's life though! My parents are eating fajitas from a really good local Mexican place called Antonio's, of all places. It's not as good as the greasy spoons we have back home in El Paso (like La Pila down by Ysleta HS - thank you Norma! I can't wait to get back to eating those gorditas with you!), but they do a good job coming close. I, on the other hand, am lucky if I can get half a grilled cheese down. I am very fatigued just sitting here typing and I don't know when the dry heaves will come back, but for those of you who know the line... it don't mean nothin'! These are all temporary symptoms and I'm sure I'll get through them like I have for the past year and a half. I know that most of you started being Muse fans either from being Twilight fans (Neutron Star Collision and Supermassive Black Hole) or V fans (Uprising). I, on the other hand, liked the band before they were cool... so, there! So, here's the title track from their 2003 album Absolution. This song fits today's mood very well. If you like Muse's new stuff I suggest you go all the way back to their album Showbiz and get on Grooveshark to listen to some of their earlier stuff like Unintended, Muscle Museum, and Uno. I'm sure I'll think of something more intellectual to post for tomorrow, right now I'm pretty exhausted.

Unfortunately, embed is disabled for their official video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ck6Hcg2cjk

but this is the audio:

We're Definitely Carpe-ing Some Diem-s!!

After yesterday's little poetry excursion my white count stood up to 0.5! No, I will not be playing Eminem today, haha! If you know me, you know that I would much rather celebrate with Frank and Dave Matthews, so two happy songs are to be found below.

The doctor says it's still too early to celebrate because there are always unforeseen bumps in the road, but I'm on a new nausea medication that is working better to keep the stomach in check and I generally feel better. However, I must stay on guard because the recovery time with a bone marrow transplant is many months and there are always ups and downs during that time period. But I am feeling better today, so I'm going to take advantage of that and maybe even read a page or two in one of the twenty books I have with me at which I haven't even looked in recent weeks. It seems like the first calendar might have been more accurate, although I am not sure when they will discharge me. That is determined by my daily progress, so I'll keep y'all abreast of things as they happen.

Carpe Diem

Today, as I continue to wait for concrete signs of improvement, I think of two poems from antiquity. The first is from our friend Horatius Quintus Flaccus, better known as the first century BC Augustan poet, Horace. His eleventh Carmen from his first book of Odes ends with the lines

                                 dum loquimur, fugerit invida
aetas: carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero.

which in my mind translates to

                                  even while we are speaking, envious life will have fled away:
gather ye rosebuds while ye may, with little trust in the next day.

There's a lot of hullabaloo about translating "carpe diem" since carpere is a verb used for harvesting and so it does mean something like "sieze the day," but not really. "Pluck the day" or "Harvest the day" is better, but less poetic.

So, I prefer to translate the controversial phrase with a line from a different famous poem with the same meaning by the 17th Century English poet Robert Herrick.

To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying.

The message being to get as much out of today as possible, not necessarily to be pessimistic about tomorrow, but to be joyful and fulfilled right now, because time just doesn't stop.

The second ancient poem is one some of you may have heard yesterday, which was Ash Wednesday, and tells us that no matter what befalls us today, we have refuge in our God.

Psalm 46

 ¹ God is our refuge and strength,
   an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
   and the mountains quake with their surging.
 ⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
   the holy place where the Most High dwells.
⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
   God will help her at break of day.
⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
   he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
 ⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.
 ⁸ Come and see what the LORD has done,
   the desolations he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease
   to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
   he burns the shields with fire.
¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth.”
 ¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.

(NIV 2011)

We all have wonderful lives, even when there are problems. Live your life and love those in your life.

Today is also a Dave Matthews Band day, because I declare it so. Here are two of my favorites, although I must admit that I like them all, even the politically correct songs. The band is just too good. The second I could only find a solo performance, but it is actually a very beautiful rendition. I'm glad y'all like my music. I'll try to leave this post up as long as possible until there's some actual news on my condition to report. Right now everything is status quo.

Revised Calendar

It turns out that because of the way the stem cells were harvested, fresh from my mother's hip bone the day of the transplant instead of peripherally beforehand then frozen, engraftment may take more time. The new range given is 20-28 days. I have thus revised the optimistic calendar to reflect this new information.

You can see that today, Day +13, is still a full week away from any signs of improvement with my particular type of transplant. This isn't necessarily a bad thing because quick engraftments usually have problems associated with them. We want the graft to take place slowly with stability so that it has a better hold on my system in the long-run. I can't wait until I can post Flyleaf's Fully Alive, but it's not time yet. I'm still patiently waiting for my body to catch up with my state of mind...

In the meantime check out this great Dark Crystal footage used by Incubus in their video of "Oil and Water" and tell me it don't bring back awesome memories!

A Little Better, A Little Worse, Another Day, Another Blessing

No fever last night! It seems the antibiotics worked, thank God. We'll see what tonight brings, but for now I'm just receiving a nice bag of donated red blood cells to help my hemoglobin level come up a bit. Lack of red blood affects digestion (and I don't need any more digestion problems!) and energy levels, since oxygen is carried to the cells throughout the body by the red blood cells. Everything wears me out. Brushing my teeth is exhausting. Eating is a chore, and its opposite is more so. Hopefully, I will only have to put up with this exhaustion for another week until my own body thinks my mom's cells are my own, after which my newly-own marrow will start making my own new blood again. Today is Day +11 and all I can think about is getting back to my home, my family, my studies, my pool table, and some decent food. Having been blessed with another day of life I can't imagine it not being full of love and happiness, even here in this hospital room. And never being satisfied with less, I can't help but think of one of my favorite Frank songs, All Or Nothing At All. He may be Sinatra, or the Chairman of the Board to everybody else, but to me he's Frank and has been since my freshman year of high school when I first started to shooby-doo to Strangers In The Night. I hope y'all enjoy today's selection!

A Few More Days...

Well, it's been a rough weekend. Not as rough as it could have been, thank God, but fever and associated symptoms have kept me down for a couple days. My fever broke, so I'm up, but the eye of the storm is momentary. The doctor suspects something viral, which means we just have to wait it out. If it's bacterial, there are specific treatments. If it's related to the neupogen about which I wrote on Thursday, then my immune system is "warming up" to say the least! There's no indication of that yet though and the doctor suspects engraftment is still a few days away, probably around the 2 week mark. Today is still only day +10 so it is too early for my counts to rise significantly. The fever is most likely some underlying virus that I will have to put up with for maybe another week since my white cell count is still 0.000. It sucks but that's the way it is. Here is an optimistic calendar for the rest of the month:

Notice the discharge goal of Day +19. Even if I graft by then, a continuing fever will keep me here until it is resolved. And resolve these problems I will. As the psalmist says in Psalm 118 (117 DR), one of my favorites for its imagery and meaning:

They swarmed around me like bees,
   but they were consumed as quickly as burning thorns;
   in the name of the LORD I cut them down.
I was pushed back and about to fall,
   but the LORD helped me.
The LORD is my strength and my defense;
   He has become my salvation.

(NIV 2011)

Need a Jump?

Neupogen: A drug that basically forces stem cells to get to work making white cells. A drug that I started today. It is a filgrastim, granulocyte colony stimulating factor (G-CSF) and is actually a genetic form of therapy with a very cool mechanism for those of you interested in such things. I have taken this on numerous occasions to recover from chemo in the past. This time the purpose is different from recovery, namely jump starting the transplanted cells. In my experience, Neupogen takes about 7-10 days to kick in, but I am taking a slightly higher dose than usual so it will be interesting to see what kind of turnaround time my immune system will have. You know that it kicks in because of the incredible bone pain caused by the internal pressure associated with the cellular growth inside your marrow, but also because your blood counts increase. Although I am patiently waiting for nature to take its course inside my bones, I am eager to see some improvement in my condition. My blood pressure keeps fluctuating with all the fluids being pumped into me and this causes swelling in inconvenient places.

The doctor asked me if I wanted some oxycontin for my headaches. I know most people would jump at the chance for a cool pain killer script, but I think I'll only take it if I really need it. I think I just need a good night's sleep, which won't happen until I get home. Another reason to be eager for my immune system to take a spark.

One day at a time is all I can say for now.

Waiting....

[update 2:15 PM: Grammarphiles may not want to miss my note appended after the video clips!]

Well I believe I've settled into my new drugs nicely, although the doctor wants to give them a few more days before ruling out any side effects like tremors and fevers 'n' such. I'm taking my coral snake eggs 4 at a time, 3 times a day, and they are beginning to dry my mouth out a bit, but this is minor. Today is Day +6 and I'm hoping that my counts begin to come up within a week. It sure would be nice to have some energy for a change. I'm actually going to try to do some book-work today though, and I hope I can do a good amount. I was hoping on accomplishing a good amount during this "down time," but I have had such little sleep and energy that reading is difficult, even on the new kindle my best friend Adam gave me for my "second birthday." Thanks, brother! I'm trying to put it to good use! I am going back through the Aeneid in English on it, little by little, but it is slow going. I may still get to do plenty in the 2 weeks before I'm discharged but not nearly as much as I had wanted.

I know that my top priority must fundamentally be my Latin and Greek skills. Everything follows from proficiency in the original languages. Higher criticism (literary theory) is on shaky ground without proper lower criticism (textual work with the original manuscripts, etc.). I believe I mentioned in a previous post the need for my studying modern foreign languages as well... the work is overwhelming at times and the amount of vocabulary and grammar I've learned is shocking yet I still don't have a working knowledge of these languages (although I got along fairly well in Rome, I must admit). Spanish is altogether a separate issue.

I suppose my top 5 tasks at the current moment are to keep trudging along in my Latin and Greek textbooks, keep plowing through my list of ancient authors in translation, work steadily in French, Italian, and German so I can make it through my first year of graduate school, maintain my biblical studies, and try to add Hebrew to it all. Am I crazy? I know where I want to be and I know what it will take to get there, but the bridge looks long and rickety. Or perhaps this is an Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade moment where I need to take a leap of faith onto the invisible path below. Either way, I'm going to do my best to make some headway in one of my five areas of focus in the next two weeks before I'm discharged. Now if I can just get some blood in my head with which to do it all!



Since I've been in the habit of posting music videos and the like here, I think I'll put this old song up since it is most fitting for how I feel today.




Nota Bene: I freely and idiomatically use phrasal verbs in my speech and writing. The curious grammar-lover will be interested to learn some of the things they never teach you in school. Most grammarians follow hard and fast the classic rules to never break infinitives, or, never to break infinitives, and never to end sentences with prepositions. More advanced practitioners of grammar move beyond stylistic limitations in favor of eloquence, knowing that they are still not really breaking the rules, even though it may appear so. It is this lofty goal to which I aspire in my writing. In the sentence "Sit down!" for example, 'down' is clearly not beginning a prepositional phrase but is a particle functioning adverbially with the verb 'sit.' Prepositions used complimentarily in this way are considered part of the verb. They are not always limited to a position following the verb. The Greeks separated compound verbs of this type regularly in epic, and this separation in the Greek language is called tmesis. An example of this in English is, "Please turn the light on." There is nothing grammatically incorrect with that sentence. The particle is separated from the verb yet still functions adverbially, not as a preposition. Although the Greek usage is not a one to one relationship with English usage, the stylistic reasons for writing this way are the same in both languages, it just sounds better. (Cf. Phonetic Euphony)

Day +5

Well, I actually ate a little breakfast this morning. My stomach doesn't hurt like it did the past two days and I generally feel better. I am still very tired and am constantly out of breath but I do believe the chemo is leaving my system. This is good.

Today I start two anti-rejection drugs. They both have heavy duty side effects that I definitely want to avoid, but since my transplant was a haplo-identical one, meaning related (my mom) but only half matched, my body is naturally going to try to reject my mom's stem cells until they graft and become more "me." These drugs, no matter how bad the side effects, are all that are keeping me alive right now until engraftment happens. I will continue taking them for quite some time afterward as well.

Here are some pictures:

Funny enough, these pills remind me that nature has a way of warning us of poisonous things by coloring them brightly, e.g. Wasps, coral snakes, etc. So these are my little coral snake eggs! Mm mm good!!

I will post later if these drugs affect me quickly.

For now, I leave you with another one of my favorite songs from one of favorite new bands, Flyleaf. They're a Christian band, although you would never know it from the heavy sexual overtones in their music, they constantly evangelize at their concerts, and their music just rocks. This song and a few I will post in the coming days are really inspiring. This song, "Again," I believe is written as if Jesus were speaking to you. I encourage you to take it that way :)

This is a VEVO embed, not Youtube, so let me know if you have trouble getting it to load, VEVO are usually higher quality and take longer to load so you may want to start, then pause to let it load, then play once it's spooled. Also, for those of you who don't watch online videos much, note that hitting fullscreen after it loads forces it to reload all over again at higher resolution, wasting all that time you just waited for the little bar to grow, so be careful... and enjoy!



Flyleaf's own explanation of the song is in this interview below. The explanation gets clear around 2:15 if you don't want to watch the whole thing. Sorry for the embedded commercial.